Tackling Insensitive Relatives after marriage is a major issue that women have been facing since ages.
The kind of Chaos OR Embarrassment most DILS undergo owing their relatives’ mindlessness have a deterimental affect on their the former’s Well-Being. That said, how are Daughters-in-law supposed to approach these challenges – Let’s find out!
Dear WOMEN, Are You Wondering How You Should Be Tackling Insensitive Relatives after Marriage – Don’t Worry, This One-Stop Guide Will Make you a Master!
Yes, I have been there too, JUST LIKE YOU.
But not any longer because I have found my way to effectively handle my Sanity against their insensitivity.
Wondering how – CONTINUE READING!
It Is Your Relatives’ Insensitivity You Are Struggling WITH, NOT YOURS – Understand This First!
Your relatives have been causing you more tension OR making you feel irked especially after your marriage, isn’t that what your problem is?
You are sure that they are putting you into an embarrassing situation – For which they are responsible for. Are you sure about that as well?
If yes, shouldn’t that mean when dealing with such difficult relatives you need to safeguard your mental health, the very thing that is keeping you fit and sound?
Then why let them drain you when you are at no fault?
SO PLEASE PLEASE Protect yourself from outside forces, let them not influence your mental health negatively. Stay calm and composed, come what may!
NOW moving on, hoping I have made my earlier point clear, let me first brief you on those 6 Successful Techniques that have helped (AND HELPING ME STILL) deal with my insensitive relatives. Excited to know them?
| 1. Daughters-in-Law Should Practice Ignorance in their Everyday Lives
Being Ignorant could save you from a lot of frustration and trouble caused by your Insensitive Relatives. |
| 2. Daughter- in-Law should Distance themselves from Their Insensitive Relatives
Try to stay distanced from such insensitive people as much as possible to retain your mental composure. |
| 3. Daughters-in-Law should Master the Art of Response
You need to find the right way and right words to deal with insensitive people. |
| 4. Daughters-in-Law should NEVER Entertain Insensitive Discussions
You never know where a trap is laid for you. SO be careful when to talk , and when not to.. |
| 5. Daughters-in-Law Should take their Spouse’s Help Wherever Required
Being a daughter-in-law, you cannot speak whatever that comes to your head, isn’t it? In such situations if needed, you could use your partner’s help to tackle your relatives’ insensitivity. |
| 6. Daughters-in-Law should Learn To Safeguard Their Sanity Around Their Insensitive Relatives
They might trigger your senses. But you should know how to keep yourself under control. |
Read on as I have elaborated them with some of my own experiences!
1. Daughters in Law should Practice Ignorance in their Everyday Lives
Scenario 1 :: When the Relatives Scrutinise the Brand-new-bride’s Face
It is no doubt an ordeal task for women whenever they have to be tackling insensitive relatives after marriage; and especially when the problem jumps in right after the wedding, I know how FRUSTRATING it gets.
Consider this.
The day following the wedding, one cannot miss spotting those ladies bunch, curiously prying on the bride’s face for a gleam.
*I hope I make some sense*
My aunt who visited me the very next day after my wedding asked me to show my face and she started inspecting it as though she were a dermatologist checking my facial skins for problems.
I was like, “WHAT are you looking at, Aunty?”
And She replied, ” No. I was just wondering if your face gives that new-glow”.
“Seriously! New-glow?”, my mind went haywire.
Baffled, I asked her, “What’s that?”
“You will not understand”, came her response.
I started feeling embarrassed as she kept eyeing me without a blink (Tell me, did you experience this as well?)
I couldn’t stand her anymore and I swiftly ignored her to get on with my business.
And I feel it was the nicest possible way for me to shrug off an insensitive person like her – Of Course, Why should I give importance to someone else’s insensitivity?
Scenario 2 :: When the Relatives take a Dig at the Husbandman
Relatives are inquisitive by nature and they would go head-over-heels to catch a glimpse of the bride/groom, be it any wedding they attend.
No, their conquest does not end there. They go on registering the groom’s color, features, and even physical structure.
Sounds familiar?
Take this case.
During one of my cousins’ wedding, one of my aunts started exaggerating, “Look at the groom. Isn’t he tall, sleek, and handsome? It’s harder to find such men these days, Akila. You know what? Your Husband should reduce his body weight”.
I was taken aback instantly, but why should I give her that scope to body shame my husband further?
That is why, I started binging on my phone as though I did not hear her. Why even entertain such insensitive discussions?
Now do you understand the Significance of IGNORANCE?
2. Daughters in Law should Distance themselves from Insensitive Relatives
When In-Laws are Influenced by those Insensitive Relatives
It is no wonder if your in-laws are badly influenced by some relatives – After all, aren’t we all victims of similar circumstances in some form or the other?
And the most crucial aspect for Influencing in almost every case is COMPETITION – Yes, it is disheartening to learn that Relationships too are becoming excessively competitive these days.
Let me illustrate this with a few examples.
When Insensitive Relatives make Relationships a Marketing Ground
Example 1 –
“My daughter-in-law cooks so well”, one of the mother-in-law quips.
“My daughter-in-law does South Indian Cooking so well”, the other replies.
In such situations when the daughters in law are around, Wouldn’t they feel embarrassed?
Example 2 –
“Isn’t there any special news from your daughter-in-law yet? My daughter-in-law is 3 months pregnant already”, one of the relatives say.
In this case, don’t you think such a mindless talk would deter the daughter-in-law’s Well-being and Peace in question?
What is the Plight of these Daughters-in-law when they are Subjected to such Situations & How Are They Supposed To Deal With It?
It is 99.99% human psychology that works here. Meaning, these women’s in-laws would easily get influenced by such insignificant analogies.
So what?
Could we control OR fine-tune someone else’s insensitivity?
Obviously no, isn’t it?
That is why it is important for the daughters-in-law to stay from such insensitive people and take care of their sanity.
3. Daughters in Law Should Master the Art of Response
When These Insensitive Relatives Visit the New Daughters-in-Law for a Quality-Check
Have you noticed some relatives visiting your home just to check on the new daughters-in-law?
How they treat their guests.
How they serve their visiting relatives and elders.
How hospitable and kind they are.
Quite a common affair across all homes, isn’t it?
Considering that, let’s assume a new daughter-in-law cooks for her relatives.
And One from the bunch comments, “Oh, this woman literally knows nothing. I wonder what her parents have taught her” OR “The food was okay”
Now how should the DIL handle such a person?
Maybe with a Simple smile, she should reply, “I know I cannot meet your standards, Aunty. Just that I have done whatever that I know”
It is not that the DILS should stay silent everywhere; where ever needed they should respond also.
That is why you and I need to master assertiveness – Need help with it? I have written a wholesome blog on making daughters-in-law assertive. You are going to find it USEFUL for sure, take my word on it 🙂
4. Daughters in Law should NEVER Entertain Insignificant Conversations
Scenario 1 :: When Insensitive Relatives Try to Bring Chaos to the Family
In some cases, some relatives might have hidden motives, as in when they hold grudges against the family.
That is when there is huge possibility they target the new daughter-in-law of the house to achieve their intentions.
Daughters in Law should Gauge the Situation and Respond Accordingly
One such incident happened in my family, where one of my aunts tried to influence my sister-in-law (my brother’s wife).
“Don’t believe your sister in law. She is selfish”.
Anyway, on the other side, my quick-witted sister-in-law understood my aunt’s intentions and tactfully, diverted the topic.
Isn’t that amazing?
Scenario 2 :: When Insensitive Relatives are too Keen about the Daughters-in-law’s Whereabouts
Tackling Insensitive Relatives after Marriage is a tiresome process, YES IT IS.
Especially after the wedding, most relatives would be curious to know where we are put up.
To keep it clear, take my case.
Every time I get a call from my uncle or aunt, they would ask, “Where are you, Akila? Are you at your parents’ place?”
Yes, I used to live closer to my parent’s place then but does that mean I should be there all the time?
Anyway, why does that even matter to them?
SO I keep it short, “At home”.
An answer so encoded, confusing, and terse. Why should I give into these people’s insensitivity?
By keeping my conversations short with such relatives, I also believe I am shielding my sanity.
Scenario 3 :: When Insensitive Relatives Pry for Information
“Any special news?”
You must have been there numerous times too – Relatives enquiring on your conception post the wedding, isn’t it?
And to make it miserable, imagine meeting these insensitive relatives!
They will ask me, “Akila, isn’t there any special news yet – It’s been a year since you got married.”
I respond, “Everything will happen when it should happen” and I instantly exit the spot.
And this is not a problem just with me. It is rampant, faced by most couples across the world – BUT Why should we let anyone stress us out?
So it is better to not give into such conversations …
Scenario 4 :: When Insensitive Relatives Calibrate the New Son-In-Law of the Family
It is no wonder when your insensitive relatives start enquiring on the groom’s whereabouts whenever a wedding is announced in the family.
“Where is he working?”
“What’s his designation?’
“Oh, does he own a flat?”
Before My Wedding, One of my aunts asked me, “I heard that your in-laws are millionaires. Is that true?”
Seriously?
I quickly evaded her question and went on with my business.
Is there any better way to tackle such insensitive questions?
5. Women For Sure Should Take their Spouse’s Help in Tackling Insensitive Relatives after Marriage!
When Insensitive Relatives try to find out the if the Husbands’ are Henpecked
In this society, you could have a daughter with a husband listening to her.
But when it comes to other women and their husbands, they have a special term coined for these men – Henpecked!
The other day, we had a small Pooja (function) at my house. That time, my brother was roaming about with his wife.
And these relatives in the vicinity seemed intolerant of the sight.
One of my aunts looking at my sister-in-law remarked, “Not bad. You have probably given some magical potion to your husband that he is just sticking around you all the time”.
Isn’t that laughable?
On the other hand, my brother was quick enough to respond, “Of course, I think I should be going behind my wife. Do you think I should be going behind some other woman?”
His response silenced her, and also I was relieved seeing the happiness dawning upon my sister-in-law ‘s face – Obviously , I am a woman as well!
During such situations, if you could get your husband do the work, there is nothing like it. Also, it is better to stay distanced from such people!
6. Daughters in Law should Learn To Safeguard Their Sanity!
When Insensitive Relatives Bring Up Skin Colour as a Mode of Discrimination
Is Tackling Insensitive Relatives after marriage really difficult?
Yes, for the kind of subjects they bring up to put others down. What value is this?
Once one of my relatives commented, “Akila, your husband is fair compared to you!”
We are in the 21st century, and we are still discriminating people based on color. Seriously?
And are relationships forged on the basis of color – Are they not founded on values and understanding? Shouldn’t we all realise this?
I was like, “Of course, he is!” – What more could she say?
I didn’t want to entertain such conversations further because I cared for my sanity. So should every DIL out there, will you?
Take Charge Of Your Life, My Dear DILS – People Never Stop Talking OR Criticising!
Yes, relative’s insensitivity could pose a major threat to most daughters-in-law.
But it is all in the way we perceive it.
When we start caring about our morals and values,
When we start caring about our character as a human being,
When we start caring for our sanity,
WE GROW STRONGER.
Relatives are beyond our control.
When we have an AMAZING life before us, why spoil it for someone else’s insensitivity?
Hey, there! How did you like this blog? Could you leave your thoughts in the comments section below?
As much as I am hoping to hear from you, if you could share this for the maximum benefit of all married women out there, I will feel grateful! Thank you in advance 🙂