There are numerous things that your Daughter in Law wants to tell you – But Would you open your heart to listen to her?
As a Daughter-in-Law myself, I had love to SAY so many things to my In-laws, making them aware of my emotions and feelings – Do you wish to know them too?
Are You Ready To Understand Your DIL Better – 19 Heart-Wrenching Things that Your Daughter in Law wants to Tell You!
Here is the list of 19 things that every daughter in law would want to ask her in-laws – I have come up with these with the help of my personal insights and encounters. Hope you could resonate with them.
1. Do you see me as your DAUGHTER too – One of the Important things that your Daughter in Law wants to Tell you
I still remember the day I got engaged to your son when everyone was insistent that I should call you both Appa, and Amma (Father and Mother).
When I had my own parents, how could I address you, who were unfamiliar to me then, as my mom and dad all of a sudden?
Do you think MOM and DAD are just mere words?
Don’t you see how difficult a transition it would be for me?
I knew it was a societal pressure yet I accepted it will all my heart and obliged – But do you ever see me as your DAUGHTER?
2. Dear In-Laws, Why is our Relationship not GENUINE?
I have always noticed that our relationship is alloyed, with the kind of mask that you put on whenever you address me.
It could be those sugar-coated words OR sweet gestures you use in front of my parents OR my husband.
But what is the whole point of those public display of affection when all that I expect from you is nothing but pure LOVE like always?
Aren’t you being unfair with me?
It is interesting to note here a Study conducted by R.Linn and S.Breslerman which explains the reason for constant conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law.
3. Like You Have Your Expectations from Your Daughter-in-law, Can’t I have MINE too?
As In-Laws, you have so many expectations from me like how I have so many things to tell you as a daughter-in-law.
And I oblige them all for the promise I have given to my husband to take care of you and to justifying the way I address you both as Appa and Amma.
Now the point is, Like how you expect your daughter-in-law to take care of you, can’t I expect the same off my in-laws too?
When I see myself in situations where you are demanding OR demeaning your daughter-in-law, I lose all that hope I have in you.
In fact, most of the times you push me to a situation where I start missing my own parents – Had it been my own Appa and Amma, would they even dare to do the same to me?
Why – Can’t a daughter in law have her expectations from her in-laws too?
4. Why Can’t Your Daughter-in-Law have the Same PRIVILEGES as Your Daughter?
Whenever you have your own daughter at the door, you would jump and leap in joy.
You would prepare all those favourites of hers and make her content to the fullest.
You would make her as comfortable as possible and stop her from doing even the smallest task at hand.
You would let her enjoy all those privileges that I never even knew existed in this space.
Why can’t you grant at least a portion of those privileges to your daughter-in-law – Why are you being unfair with her?
5. Why Can’t I have my OWN-SPACE – Why Are You Taking Your DIL For Granted?
There is something called as Personal SPACE for you, me, and anyone for that matter.
Are you aware of it, my dear in-laws?
I have often felt that you disrupt my Space for no particular reason.
Whenever I am busy reading a book. Whenever I am having a personal discussion with my husband.
Why do you take me for granted – Don’t you see there is a necessity for me to have my personal time and space too?
6.Why Do I Find it HARD to Carve a COMFORTABLE ZONE For Myself Around You, My Dear In-Laws?
Many times, I get this feeling that I don’t belong to this place.
I would feel like a complete Stranger.
At times, why do I find myself living in a Hostile Environment?
Why do I hesitate to ask you anything?
Why is it that I am not able to establish a zone for myself as simple as I had at my home prior to my marriage?
Is it owing to the fact that I am from another family OR is it because of the way you treat me OR even worse, is it my own imagination?
7.Why do you want me to STAY AWAY from my Parents – Why Can’t I Give The Same Importance To My Parents, Does Marriage Change Things?
As a Mother of a Daughter, would you like it if your daughter ditched you after she is married?
Then why are you expecting me to maintain a distance from my parents?
In what way is that even justifiable?
Just like how I have the responsibility to take care of you, I have an equal responsibility to towards my parents too.
So the next time I visit my parents, please understand it from the perspective of a Daughter’s Parents!
Are you looking for a new perspective on in-laws – Check out this Blog 🙂
8. Why Do You Not Like it When I Get my Parents Something?
When your son OR I do something for my parents, why do you feel overwhelmed?
Whether they have a Son to take care of them or not, is it not my responsibility to take care of them?
And aren’t they equally entitled to their daughter’s kind gestures and care?
Tell me, would you not like it when your Daughter or Son-in-Law does something for you?
Why do you not see it from the shoes of a daughter’s parents – Don’t you think you should change your stance on this?
9. Dear Mother-in-Law, Why Do you Not Like it When Your Son Helps me in the Kitchen?
When I seek any assistance from my husband on the domestic front, why do you fuss over it?
When you expect my father-in-law to do all the help for you, is it wrong of me to expect the same from your son?
Think of your Mother in Law – Had she fussed the same way as you do to me now, wouldn’t that have shattered you?
Why are you not understanding that – Why this indifference?
10. Why Are You Against my Shopping Ventures, Dear In-Laws?
It is natural for women to expect their spouse to spend money on them not in a lavish way though.
Still why do you make it look like I am emptying your Son’s Money in the name of shopping?
Don’t you see that I am also becoming more responsible these days?
11. Dear In-Laws, Why are you PRESSURING me to have Babies?
Dear In-Laws, did you find a woman for your Son to extend your family lineage OR to give him a partner for life?
Begetting children is something privy to the Husband-Wife duo, and is not a common subject for anyone’s discussion – Elderly advice is needed but it cannot keep flowing to the extent of breaking our sanity.
Why do you not understand that you are making it stressful for us in the name of conception?
CHECK OUT THIS STUDY Undertaken by the Office for National Statistics –
12. Why Are You Not Being SUPPORTIVE and ENCOURAGING Of Your Daughter-in-Law?
Dear Mother-in-Law, Whenever I volunteer to cook, please don’t come forward to stop or discourage me.
Of course! I cannot make good sambar and rasam as you do; for I am a beginner too JUST LIKE HOW YOU WERE ONCE!
If you are not giving me that one chance, where would I find scope to learn things?
Do you not see this as one of those important things that your daughter in law wants to tell you?
Please be encouraging so that I am able to handle things confidently and efficiently in future 🙂
13. Why this Indifference, Dear MIL – Am I not a HUMAN BEING too?
Dear In-Laws, please understand that a daughter-in law is not your unpaid service-provider.
Expecting ONLY ME to take care of and learn all the domestic responsibilities, is something I am not able to decode till now.
Why – Can’t men in the family take their share of work too, is it not a lifeskill after all?
Some days, when I don’t feel like doing the work, I cannot take rest; for am I given an option?
On the other hand, you would let your Son enjoy all the liberty at home – Why don’t you show at least 0.1% of that mercy on me?
Do you not see this as one of those important things that your daughter in law wants to tell you?
Why? Am I not a Human being too – When will you understand me?
14. Why do you Expect me to PLEASE you all the time, Dear In-laws?
Do you think, as a daughter-in-law I cannot have my own ideologies?
How could you even expect me to do whatever that you like?
If you think I should be around you all the time, are you being fair?
If you think I should not talk to anyone without your consent, are you being fair?
I cannot keep doing things in a way that would please you all the time.
As an individual, can’t I have my own thoughts and ideas and stick to them?
Should dils seek their in-laws’ approval – YOU SHOULD NOT MISS READING THIS BLOG!
15. Why do you Expect me to Follow your TIME & TIME-SHEET all the time, Dear MIL?
I have my own pace and I take my time to do things because I am not as experienced as you are, isn’t it?
If you take fifteen minutes to prepare a meal, I will take twice as much time.
That said, can’t I have my own schedule to do things?
If you want me to sweep the floor in the morning but I want to do it in the afternoon, please let me go according to my flow.
I promise that I will finish all the work even without you reminding me of it.
16. Dear In-Laws, Why do you Expect me to SATISFY your liking?
Do you realise that I can have my own likings and dislikings?
Then why do you impose your choices on me?
I still remember the day we were shopping for my engagement.
You wanted me to choose the green saree over pink while I had liked the latter more.
But, just to make you happy, I chose to pick the green one.
For once, it was fine. But if the same instance is allowed to repeat again and again, is that even fair?
17. Dear Mother-in-Law, Why do Expect me to TELL Everything to you?
As in-laws, do you think you are sharing everything with your daughter in law?
Then, why do you expect me to share everything with you?
In what way is that even acceptable?
Do you not see this as one of those important things that your daughter in law wants to tell you?
Just like how you wish to keep things to yourself, let me keep my secrets too – I strongly feel it will save our relationship from a lot of strain 🙂
18. Dear MIL, Why Do You Decide What Vegetables and Groceries I Should Buy?
Why don’t you even give me the space to buy groceries and vegetables for our house when you are not around us?
Of Course, I welcome you to GUIDE me whenever I go wrong but is it right when only instructions comprise our phone conversations?
Please, let me experience and learn things by myself.
When I fail to pay the electricity bill once, I will not forget it the next time.
When I fail to book the gas once, I will not forget to book it the next time.
When I fail to file our IT returns once, I will not forget to do it the next time.
Everyone learn as they fail – Please try to understand this and let us function independently.
19. Dear MIL, Why Do You Not BELIEVE Me?
You know how excited I get to ask you for the recipes of dishes that you do – Because, you are an outstanding cook, without any doubt.
But does that mean I can never get good at cooking?
Start believing me & Give me that space; before you judge me.
Treat Your Daughter-in-Law Politely & Gracefully – She Will DO Anything For You 🙂
Please don’t subject your dil to so many inhibitions – Facilitate for her an environment where she can lead a life rid of unnecessary thoughts and negativity.
When you start working on understanding your dil, she will be a loyal daughter to you for the rest of her life.
After all, Is that what relationship all about?
Did you like this blog – You could post your thoughts on the comments below.
Also, if you could share this blog for the benefit of every DIL out there, I had be grateful to you – Thanks in Advance 🙂