Interference of in laws in a marriage is definitely a cause of worry for most women. Are you facing it too?
Is your in-laws’ unnecessary intervention drawing distaste in your marriage life? Is your relationship with your spouse at stake because of this?
Interference Of In Laws In A Marriage – A Complete Analysis!
For the undue bond they have formed over the years with their son, Parents-In-Laws by default assume control over their son. And patriarchy guides them enough to take their daughters-in-law for granted.For what more reasons should they need to interfere in their son’s married life?
Come, let us understand the ways in-laws interfere in the marriage life of their son and daughters in law.
8 Routes In-Laws Take To Breach The Cross-Line Of Their Son’s Marriage
Interference of in laws in a marriage happens through various possible means. These 8 broad categories will give you a wider picture of the same.
| 1) In-Laws’ Intervention In Matters Of Conception |
| 2) In-Laws Have Problems With Couples’ Spending Habits |
| 3) When They Try To Take Hold Of Their Son’s Finances |
| 4) When In-Laws Impose Their Thoughts On Their Son And DILS |
| 5) When They Are Nosy In Matters Concerning Their Son And DILS |
| 6) When Parents-in-law Influence Their Son a Lot |
| 7) When In-Laws Don’t Understand The Concept Of Husband And Wife Privacy |
| 8) Their Tendency To Overpowering The Sons & DILS |
Come, let me elaborate these for you!
In-Laws’ Intervention In Matters Of Conception
Matters pertaining to conception is something privy to the husband and wife duo. Isn’t it? Then why should in-laws’ force their decisions on the latter? Here are a few scenarios to add clarity –
Scenario 1 –
Take the case of conventional in-laws who keep prodding their daughters-in-law and son for the GOOD NEWS as soon as they are married.
They cannot stand it when their expectations are not fulfilled and so they keep expressing their discontent in some form OR the other.
In fact, I have seen this coming from my own mother –
“How long are you going to be like this, Akila? When are you going to give us the special news?”
And the same came from my MIL as well within few days of my wedding. “All good things shouldn’t be delayed. The sooner you give the news, the better”.
Scenario 2 –
I don’t understand, when a married couple completes few years of their marriage but have not conceived, why in-laws’ are not able to stand it?
Why literally force their son and DILS to undergo checkup to ascertain if they are fit and healthy enough to conceive?
My friends’ in-laws literally shocked her by giving them a time frame for their conception after they completed two years of their marriage. Isn’t that awful?
In case you are interested, you could read this article I came across in MumbaiMirror that suggests ways to counter the pressure to have a child. Here is a screenshot for your reference –
In-Laws Don’t Realise They Are Crossing Their Boundaries
Can’t in-laws see that their son and DILS are wise enough to handle such things on their own?
Elderly advice is reasonable as long as it doesn’t breach the boundary. But when it does, would that not lead to straining of relationships?
|READING SUGGESTIONS –
Is it a good idea to live with your in-laws, especially when they are interfering too much into your affairs?
In-Laws Have Problems With Couples’ Spending Habits
In-laws could have a say over their son’s finances when the latter’s spending habits are not so good. But even that has got its own limits. Let me provide an example to help you understand this point.
Example 1 –
My mother in law used to ask my spouse,
“How is it that you exhaust your salary so soon? Why do you spend so much on useless things?”
“Tell me how are you spending your salary”
And this would get me offended, as though I am responsible for emptying her son’s pocket.Is that even a right approach to make?
In-Laws Who Still Want To Hold Charge Of Their Son’s Finances
In India, some parents-in-law expect their son to hand over their salary to them even after the latter’s marriage.
In that case, would it not become difficult for the sons to even get something for their wives?
When In-Laws Try To Force Their Thoughts On Their Son And DILS
Is it right for the in-laws to expect their son and DILS to follow their footsteps?
When In-Laws Insist Their Son And DILS to Build Assets
Their intent might be good, but sometimes it could backfire when in-laws keep holding on to their thoughts obstinately.
Tell me, would you feel good if your in-laws keep pressuring you and your spouse to take a housing loan to buy a new house? And that too when you are not in favour of it?
When In-Laws’ Are Nosy In Matters Concerning Their Son And DILS
When In-Laws Make Their Son And DILS Fight Even Messier
Say you are having a spat with your partner and your MIL comes in between. Wouldn’t her presence leave you discontent?
What if she tries to make matters even worse by interfering in your scuffle?
Matter of factly, shouldn’t in-laws know their boundaries?
When In-Laws Pass Uninvited Comments In Their Son And DILS’ Discussion
Say you are planning to visit your parents and your spouse is asking if he should drop you.
Suddenly, your MIL makes an entry and says, “I will book a cab for her. You go to the office”. How would you feel especially when you want your spouse to drop you?
Did someone even elicit the MIL’s response here? If this is not interference, then what is?
Interference of In Laws In A Marriage By Influencing Their Son
What most in-laws presume is by keeping their son under their reign, they could establish control over their daughters-in-law easily. Really?
When In-Laws Try To Manipulate Their Son Against Their DILS
One of the major reasons for scuffle between partners is when in-laws try to influence their sons against their wives (Worst still would be the situation when the son is a mama’s boy!)
Be it keeping their son away from their wives’ parents OR preventing their son from falling for their wives, some Indian in-laws try their maximum to manipulate their sons to their advantage.
What if your spouse opposes your idea of going to a job because his parents are against it?
Wouldn’t instances like these evoke bitterness in your relationship with your spouse? How would you deal with such a situation as a determined woman?
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Why Wives Don’t Like Mama’s Boy Husbands?
When In-Laws Don’t Understand The Concept Of Husband And Wife Privacy
How would you feel if your in-laws barge into your room when you are spending some good time with your spouse?
OR lets say you are planning to go shopping with your spouse & your in-laws announce that they want to join you both. How would you handle it?
Intentionally OR unintentionally, aren’t they are meddling with your private life? Can’t this be seen as interference of in-laws in a marriage?
In-Laws Who Are Overpowering
Women who have overbearing in-laws are the ones who face the maximum heat in their marriage life. I have written a blog dedicatedly on how to maintain a cordial relationship with your overbearing in-laws which you might find helpful. Kindly take a look after reading this post!
When In-Laws Stop Their Son And DILS From Executing Their Plans
Say you and your spouse are planning for a vacation to Manali.
But your overbearing in-laws show dissent to your plans saying, “You need not go anywhere now. Maybe later”.
How would that go with you? Don’t you think it could spoil your dreams with your spouse? Will that not give rise to conflicts in your marriage?
When In-Laws Force Their Son And DILS To Visit Their Relatives
Say your parents-in-law insist you to visit your relatives while you and your spouse are against the idea.
So how would you deal with such a situation? Would you end up abiding your in-laws’ words? OR act as you think?
So Should In-Laws Be Sensitised About The Importance Of SPACE In A Marriage?
A marriage is not just about two people but their family members also play a key role in it. But isn’t there a boundary to it as well?
Just because in-laws are a part, does that mean they are allowed to encroach the lives of their son and DILS?
Every relationship in life, especially marriage, requires its share of space to evolve and breath on its own. And this should be understood by both the parties involved and that includes their families as well.
How Could Daughters-In-Law Handle Their In-Laws Intervention Effectively?
As much as it is important for the DILS to preserve their relationship with their spouse and lead a hassle-free life with the latter, they should also ensure not to strain their relationship with the in-laws.
To tackle your interfering in-laws, I suggest these 5 well-analysed tips to you which would prove useful while handling critical situations. Here you go –
| 1) Ensure to build a solid understanding with your spouse that will keep you together all the time. |
| 2)Discuss and analyse with your spouse about the significance of your personal space and set your limitations. |
| 3)Stop seeking approval for all your tiny actions from your in-laws. Live your life without feeling guilty of anything. |
| 4)Take a stand for your relationship together with your spouse when you feel that your in-laws are crossing their limits. For that, you should learn to develop assertiveness as a DIL first. |
| 5)Ask your spouse to take the lead in discussions for his intervention will prove to be effective and unoffensive. |
This is it for the blog. I am sure sticking to these tips will not just save your marriage from your in-laws’ interference but also strengthen your relationship with your spouse 10 times stronger. Remember, your marriage is in your hands and you cannot stake it for anyone for that matter!
| READING SUGGESTIONS –
If you have any thoughts to share OR questions to ask, kindly post them in the comments section below!