Being feminine is all about being bold and strong. Then why don’t more women say NO in marriage?
On a day-to-day basis, women do a lot for their families against their wishes and aspirations, isn’t it? So What ACTUALLY stops them from standing up for themselves – LET’S DISCUSS!
Why Don’t More Women Say NO in Marriage – 19 Shocking Revelations that Every Woman SHOULD KNOW!
As a daughter-in-law/wife,
Have you ever wondered why you are not able to express your views as they are in front of your family members?
Why you are not able to pursue your dreams without anyone else’s approval in the family?
Why you are not able to Say NO to something you are not supportive of?
Let me tell you why, so that you and I start taking this up seriously for the welfare of every women out there.
In this Blog post, I have come up with 19 day-to-day instances that show why you, me, and women in general refrain from saying NO in marriage – Come, let’s get started.
1. Why are Women not able to say NO when they are Assigned with All the Domestic Work by Their In-Laws/Husbands?
Cooking, Cleaning, Washing dishes, taking care of the kids, and every other domestic responsibility befall almost every married women.
Especially with most women working these days, we find it hard managing both our home and work responsibilities.
When such is the case, how fair is that to expect the married ladies to take care of everything at home?
Thanks to Societal stereotypes that is increasingly glorifying women in the name of responsibilities.
But only when women open up about their difficulties, will they be able to manage situations easily.
Of course, we are human beings too – So when cannot do it, there is nothing wrong in expressing our limitations as a human being.
Also equally important is soliciting collective approach from the family members to sharing domestic chores – What is wrong in that? After all isn’t that what a healthy family all about, being supportive of one another?
2. Why are Women not able to say No When they are Beckoned by their In-Laws/Husbands to Do Every Small Thing At HOME?
The other day, as I was having my meal, my mother-in-law asked me to fetch some sugar.
No, I didn’t have problem bringing it for her, but why ONLY ME every time?
Of Course, it was not just me around, anybody could bring it – But you see, it is always the DILS who are taken for granted in every home.
The same happens with my Sister-in-law too but but what are we supposed to do – Say a NO?
As Daughters-in-Law, NO, we cannot, even when we feel genuinely tired.
Why – Because I have been conditioned by my mother to do everything my in-laws ask me to – You see, it is parental conditioning!
She would often say this – “YOU CANNOT BE ENJOYING ALL THIS FREEDOM AT YOUR IN-LAWS, Akila”
Seriously, should women stake their health for their in-laws and husbands, where saying NO would save them in many ways?
I don’t think all in-laws are not understanding, especially these days. So ladies, shouldn’t we let them know about our setbacks and take a stand for ourselves?
3. Why are Women not able to say No When They are Expected to Attend to Every Small thing that Requires Care at Home?
Let’s say, a Child spills down her glass of Milk.
Immediately, the daughter-in-law (OR the child’s mother who is working) is called to clean the mess.
I understand it is the mother’s responsibility to take care of the kid, but when she is preoccupied, why bother her?
In such a case, shouldn’t the DIL ask, “Amma, I have an important assignment to complete. Can you please do it for me?”
It is not about the DILS saying NO crudely to their in-laws – It is about a woman requesting another person for help in a subtle manner, isn’t it?
Still, that is not happening around and a lot of DILS hesitate to ASK their in-laws for help – Do you know why?
Because they FEAR being judged by their in-laws – Seriously?
4. Why are Women not able to say No when Guests are Invited by their In-Laws without their Knowledge?
Let’s say a mother-in-law invites guests OR relatives home despite knowing that the DIL has actually planned for something else.
In such a case, how could she say “NO” to her mother-in-law?
Should we blame the MIL for this hassle OR DIL for not standing up for herself?
Tell me, as a reader, do you not think the daughter-in-law is AFRAID of being judged by her MIL?
5. Why are Women not able to say No When their In-Laws Plan Unanticipated Trips?
Let’s say a woman’s In-Laws plan for a trip to their relatives (all of a sudden) without checking on her availability.
Wouldn’t that obviously impact the DIL’s plans if any – Isn’t she being taken for granted?
What makes women not say a NO to their in-laws in such situations?
Is it the Fear of being Judged OR Social Construct that highlights DILS as compliant ones?
I don’t think it is good either for the DILS OR their families as a whole – For one has to respect the feelings and views of their family members, if not, what family is that?
6.Why are Women not able to say No When they are Pressured to have Babies?
One of the common problems that Indian women face today is an insurmountable pressure built around their conception.
Being a woman, I face this too.
Every time I meet my relatives, they ask, “Akila, when are you giving us the good news? We are growing old, remember”
Their intention might be good in some cases, and sometimes not. But why should the DILS bear unnecessary stress that the society creates for them?
Shouldn’t we come out of such SOCIETAL STEREOTYPES? How are DILS supposed to handle this?
Now, do you see why don’t more women say NO in Marriage?
In case you are a woman struggling to put up with some of your relative’s insensitivity, here is a GUIDE I have written to tackle such situations – I thought you might find it useful, so I couldn’t stop myself from mentioning this 🙂
7. Why Don’t More Women Say NO When they are Invited for Family Occasions?
Daughters-in-law are expected to attend their family occasions no matter what.
In such a case, when a woman is invited to a close family member’s wedding, when actually her hands are full with work, how possible is it for her to show up for the wedding?
No, the idea is not to evade the function – But isn’t that what the Society Uses to target her in this situation?
Is it not high time we start changing these situations for the better?
8. Why Don’t DILS Say NO to their In-Laws When they are in the Midst of some Other Work?
Have you ever been called by your MIL/FIL when you are in the middle of some important work?
I know, had it been your mother, you would have shouted that you will come later but with your in-laws, how do you deal?
In such a case, the FEAR of being Judged as a disrespectful DIL dominates the heads of most DILS, which becomes the very reason why they don’t say a NO.
But we are in the 21st century and should we still be behaving like this – What is wrong when we gently explain our situation to our in-laws? Wouldn’t they understand as well?
For that, we need to stop encouraging this stigma, “What Will my in-laws think?”, PLEASE 🙂
9. When Mothers-in-law Serve the DILS with Something they do not Like, What is Wrong in Expressing it?
Most daughters-in-law do not express themselves for the fear of being misjudged by their in-laws.
Let’s say you are served with a pudding you do not like by your mother-in-law.
Shouldn’t you tell her that you are fond of the dish?
No, DILS cannot fear coming across as arrogant women when they are actually not. As long as you are being nice while explaining, why should you be worried?
10. Why Don’t DILS Say NO to their In-Laws When they are BY DEFAULT Asked to Serve Food?
No, I am not saying a DIL should not serve food. But what about the other family members?
As a family, is it not the responsibility of everyone involved to take up responsibilities?
Then why are only women expected to serve food all the time, irrespective of whether they are occupied OR not?
I personally see serving food as a service that anyone could do – Then why impose it on women only?
With this mindset prevailing all across the society, how are women supposed to deal with it?
11.Why Don’t Women Deny It When they are asked to Quit their Job?
Once a woman is married OR give birth to a child, she is expected to QUIT her job.
To Work OR not, should it not be her own decision?
Why does the society force-feed her with choices against hers’ – Aren’t women being taken for granted in such cases?
12. Why Do Most Women Not Say Anything When they are Forced to Go for a Job?
While most of the daughters-in-law are expected to quit their jobs after they get married, some are forced to work against their wishes.
But is it not one’s choice to work OR not work – Why should the society set limitations for us?
We strong women should come out of these inhibitions by standing up for what want – Is it not the only way to empower our tribe?
13. Why DILS Don’t Object When they are Stopped by their In-Laws from Doing Certain Things?
Let’s say a DIL plans to visit her friend but is stopped by her mother-in-law.
Is it wrong for a dil to visit her friend – Obviously no, isn’t it?
But sadly, the dils are silenced and they are not able to do anything against the conditioning they have been raised with by their parents.
Shouldn’t this situation change for the better?
In case you need it, I have written a blog on why dils should stop seeking approval from their in-laws for every small thing – I am sure you will find it useful.
14. Why are Women not able to say No When Their In-Laws Expect Them To Finish Off Certain Chores Immediately?
Would you like it when someone disturbs your workflow?
Say a mother-in-law calls her daughter-in-law for a cleaning task while the latter is working on some other task.
Obviously, this would affect the DIL’s work and even her productivity for that matter – Which is why she needs to explain her situation to her MIL. But does she do that?
WHY?
What stops women from saying NO to their in-laws – Again, is it not the conditioning and the fear of being JUDGED that comes into picture?
15. Why are DILS not able to say No When they are Instructed by their In-Laws to Talk to their Relatives?
There would be times when the DILS are silently forced by their in-laws to talk to their relatives over phone.
Do you think the former could say “No” to the latter in such cases?
Now you tell me, is it the conditioning OR the conditioning that has laid a fear in the minds of these DILS about their in-laws?
Hello, are we in the 21st century yet?
16. Why are Women not able to say No to their In-Laws’ Decisions?
Let’s say a DIL is visiting one of her relative’s weddings.
Her in-laws decide that she should give 500 Rupees as Gift but she wants to give 1000 rupees.
In this case, can’t the DIL decide what she wants to give – But why does she give up her right to take a stance?
As always, can we attribute this to her FEAR OF BEING MISJUDGED by her in-laws?
17. Why are Women not able to say NO When their Mothers-in-Law are Grousing All the Time?
It is only a wonder if DILS don’t face MILS who keep complaining all the time.
In such cases, why can’t the DIL take a stand to save her mental health?
Is it not the societal constraints that is paving way for all this?
18. Why are Wives not able to say No to Physical Relationship to their Husbands?
It is natural for men expecting their better halves to gratify their physical desires.
But should women still give into their husbands’ demands when they are not in the right mindset?
Unfortunately, out of the fear of not Satisfying their husbands OR making them angry, most women don’t take a stand for themselves.
Is it not high time women become more confident in their approaches, especially when they have valid reasons to do what they want to?
19. Why are Wives not able to say No When their Husbands Order Them To Cook for Sudden Guests?
I have heard this tale from my mother, where my father asked her to prepare dinner for his friends without notice.
Is it even fair on the part of my father to do something like that without checking on my mother?
Even now she cribs how she was commanded to do a lot of things against her wishes.
Why was she not able to say NO to her husband – Is it not out of INSECURITY?
When will such things change for the better?
Women are Human Beings too – Let’s Understand Them & Respect Their Feelings!
Societal Stereotypes, Parental Conditioning, Fear & Inhibitions of being misjudged, Insecurity and a lot of other factors restrain women from explaining themselves, their thoughts, and views to their Husbands and In-Laws.
Ironically, we are living in a democracy but are creating an undemocratic ambience for women in our homes, why?
Why shouldn’t women pursue their thoughts – Isn’t it their rights after all?
Do we ever make an effort to facilitate an equanimous and comfortable space for our DILS and wives?
HIGH TIME, we understand that women are one in us and that treating them indifferently is not human!
And To All DILS & WIVES OUT THERE, We Don’t Need Anybody’s Approval To Practice Our Rights!
Yes, a family is a place where making adjustments is inevitable – BUT no, not at the stake of your emotions and aspirations all the time.
As long as you have a Stance that is Reasonable and morally acceptable, you don’t need to fight anyone for it – Explain and make your family understand you – THEY WILL. Your FEARS & INHIBITIONS are just your imagination!